This is what happens to you when you're hard drive dies and you have no job; my life for the last 48 hours. Things accomplished: visited MOMA, ate two dinners one night (the first out of hunger, the second out of boredom), watched Platoon in its entirety, bleached my flip flops, and seriously attempted my first crossword puzzle.

I'm still not sure how I feel about the last one; brainy accomplishment or bold leap into middle age?

Obviously "cocktail time" is the only good part of Semi-Hoe Made worth watching. I must give credit where credit is due; homegirl usually makes a mean cocktail! But Hpnotiq and blueberries? That Smurf-tini is truly ghetto.

You gotta love how jazzed she that there's a second cocktail for later. And that she's double-fisting when shows off her blue seshorse/faux coral "tablescape". What holiday does that even represent?

Aunt Sandy strikes me as the type who gets really bombed at the office holiday party and ends up sexing one of the camera guys. She loves to get crunk!

I imagine this song was conceived while these clowns were in the above referenced Pizza Hut/Taco Bell drive-thru. They seem like the type that would be too high to actually place an order, overwhelmed by options, and just laugh their asses off instead.

This is possibly worse than any song Heidi Montag has recorded, but I will give them a pass because it's insanely catchy. I could see this catching on in Russia where they love shitty techno music and don't speak English.

Looking forward to their follow-up single, "Combination Dunkin Donuts and Baskin Robbins".

"Just An Illusion" by Imagine. Take one part Culture Club, one part Jackson 5 and a dash of Jermaine Stewart.

The new cover artwork for Madonna's new greatest hits collection, Celebration, looks strikingly similar to this David LaChapelle photo of the "World's #1 Transexual" Amanda Lepore. If you hold them at arm's length and squint one eye you can hardly tell them apart!

Personally, I'm all for this. As we know, Madge picks up on underground trends and makes them her own. And she's been such a bore this decade I think she could really learn a lot from Mandy. Mandy's a pro at driving a crowd wild and giving her fans the old razzle-dazzle. Duet maybe?

Mandy's greatest hit:

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